what do you do when the one person you thought you could trust and look up to breaks the image you had of them?...
what if you both believed in the same things and always said you wouldn't do this, or you don't think this...
what if one day they change their mind and just ignore everything they said before..
what do you do when one day they just decide to forget everything you always said you would never do?...
do you follow them and forget everything you believe in too?....or do you stay with what you think. what you know. what you believe in?...
what do you do when the one person you thought would always be there for you turns their back on you?

..when i say these things, it doesn't mean it's from the particular time in my life..it's just something that i remember, what i've been thinking about, or what i've wanted to put in here....to ______..you know who you are...that other blog wasn't about you...i'm sorry if i made you stress or think that something was wrong...ay nako, i shouldn't have posted that right before i left, cuz then if you thought it was you and said something..then i could've told you it wasn't about you....anyway..i'm sorry again....

*here's to the nights we felt alive...here's to the tears you knew you'd cry...here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon...*

quote of the day...
"laugh and the world laughs with you.....snore and you sleep alone."

i'm back again...

i'm talking to cynthia right now and i was just telling her about how it's raining right now..
it's weird...one minute it's all hot and sunny and everything and then the next..it starts raining..HARD
blahblahblah....
that keeps happening...i'll be like "aaaah it's so hot!"....and then it's starts raining with thunder and everything...ah, i control the weather...
errrr...i forgot what i was gonna say.....oh well, i'll put what churro e-mailed me...ok..here goes...

..there are no guarantees in life. nothing is guaranteed to be there tomorrow, people change, shit changes, shit goes badly, realizations are acquired. but there isn't one thing I have in my life that I absolutely know will be there tomorrow or next week or next year. I try not to get too attached to things or even people because heads are not always there. this isn't a sad thing, its just reality nahmean, and whats real can't always be sad even if my emotions try to initially trick me into thinking that is the right way to feel. I may shed tears about it right now, but I don't cry because things bring me down necessarily...its the emotions that make me cry.
my emotions make me strong, though, or at least more aware.
I'm probably one of the most emotional heads that ever existed...but I'm a natural born actor so if necessary I can bury that shit for anyone looking. but inside sometimes I feel like I'm sobbing, yo. sometimes I second and third guess the choices I've made that I felt SO strongly about. people that I no longer wanted in my cipher I cut out of it...and at times I miss the fuckin hell out of who they WERE but when I see the people they ARE I remember why we can no longer be peoples. nothing is guaranteed and not many will be there do or die.
no love gained, no love lost feel me?
been thinkin about this shit for a few days now cause I get introspective when I have pms.
effort + love doesn't guarantee the recepient will receive it correctly or at the least recognize the equation for what it is. sometimes it hasn't been appreciated, other times I didn't give enough and almost lost heads...almost got cut smooth the fuck off.
right now I'm feeling tired/wise. they say with wisdom comes saddness but I say with wisdom comes a weight that makes you want to close your eyes and just sleep through shit. like going to sleep during a thunderstorm and waking up to sunshine...although I always did like thunderstorms.
when I'm sad I'm aware...acutely. but getting past that shit and feeling positive/sustained is what makes me feel strong. its like lauryn is speaking on; sometimes you have to live for the wrong reasons to start living for the right ones.
people want fantasies always...reality isn't so pretty but it makes me feel strong.


....churro read that off of someone's site she said..whoaaa....

HEY you!.....

i'm in colorado....hmmmm..
patricia e-mail me your address, cuz i don't know if i put the right one...i sent you a postcard....chris-tal-ner and cynthia, i can't remember your addresses...i know the streets..not the numbers, and i just guessed on patricia's....

anyway..what have you guys been up to?...
the place we're staying at has a room with a bunch of computers to go online, so e-mail me ok?

ok, so friday we're flying back to las vegas...no no, i mean saturday...and then on sunday i think, we're gonna drive back home...

hehe, i saw the teen choice awards on monday, but i thought they were supposed to show it on wednesday...maybe that's just for home....anyway, if they showed it already...DID YOU SEE JUSTIN KISS BRITNEY...when she won an award for i forgot...=(...what a bad husband...hehe..

did you see my pictures on my site..i put some from the weddingm, teen choice awards...and the photo booth <-- but those ones are from a looong time ago...

anyway, gotta go...i'm sick again..but my dad said it's because of the altitude..uuuh, i can't breathe.....

SEEEEEEEE YOOOOOOOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!.......