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let go . . .

=(

hello again. haven't posted since sunday.. so lemme catch ya'll up with what i've been up to.

as of this very second i'm on my away message and it says...

i hate...

you

so much ..

right now.

.... yep. so please excuse my language for this post. but it's really time for a nice long vent.

monday
uMmmMMm... went to school.. nothing special cause i can't remember. after school, me and cat were supposed to go to fun club for community service, but we were TOO lazy cause of daylight savings time that messed up our sleeping!.. so darren came after school. we went to birch street... supposed to get coldstones.. but we were hungry so we ate at fatburger first. got my baby fat, chili cheese fries, and lemonade!.. YUM!.. then we were full so we decided to go to brea mall first and then come back for ice creeeam!!..
so we went to the mall and started on our present shopping. i got darren these brown boardshorts at hollister.. dang it took FOREVER in there.. retarded people don't know how to freeeeakin use the registers. but whatever... i was getting so impatient cause i had my lesson at 6:30 and it was already 6 something... i was so frustrated that i just started laughing at the stupid guy.. erRRRrRrRr!!!..
then we left and did not talk the whole way to ate's.. sorry bout that... =/
oh yeah.. and let me ADD we didn't get coldstones... pooper scooper.
well, got to ate's and val was still in her lesson. jessa was there in the waiting room too.. and i tried not to let her see that i was all bleH.. but yeah. so val comes out and i tell her.. "another argument again..." .. haha, that's what we say to each other all the time.. it's actually kinda funny huh val!.. haha it's our new tradition..
but anyway.. ate nar says "whAAAaaAAat?".. so then.... this happens..

me: yeah.. we argued
ate: when?
me: just right now
ate: what happened?
me: well the whole point of today was to go get coldstones.. and then...
ate: oooh! you're not supposed to be eating ice cream! that's bad for your voice!
me: but... but.. val eats it all the time! [hehe, jp roro.. i laaaab you!]
ate: VAL!!
val: no i DON'T!
me: mmmhMMmmM.. but anyway.. THAT didn't happen. then we went and got him boardshorts, and the guy took forever and i was getting mad cause i didn't wanna be late for my lesson..
ate: ooooh.. UH OH.. the honeymoon has ended.
me: yeah right. it ended a long time ago
val: oh yeah! we never even HAD one!!!

.. haha. so yeah. then i had my lesson and sang my sad song... and ate told me to learn this other song also. then i went home.. and called him later on and apologized for being stupid. ehhh!

tuesday
block day.. before third, as we were having our usual pre-dance conversations.. i told cat about what happened... haha, and we cleared some misunderstandings... hehehe.. NO, _______ doesn't _______ all the time!...
then had choir... me and cat decided that we didn't wanna go to fun club again cause were so f*cking lazy like that!.. and our excuse to ourselves is that we were gonna "do our costumes for dance production".. so after school, we went to her house. and did we end up "doing our costumes" ??.. yes, you're right... we DIDN'T. haha. i ended up doing my homework, falling asleep for five minutes.. and then t.h.i.n.k.i.n.g. ... yeah.. then we were on our way to pick up her mom, then they took me home. in the car.. heard some songs i haven't heard in a while.. some from concert.. *for all time*, *count on me*, and *nandito ako*.. and we sang it together.. awww memories...
got home.. and don't remember.. haha.
then darren came later on.. discussions again... but worked it out as always.. then he had to go home so he left.. and i think i fell asleep.

wednesday
today... right?!.. dang this week is going by pretty slow. but yeah... jon jon is cool... hehe just wanted to say that.. even though he never saw that i put him as special person of the day.. wanna see part of our conversation?

jon: did you ever put me as the special person of the day?
me: yeah!!.. you didn't see it? i thought you said "laura, i read your blog everyday"
jon: uuuh, yeeeah. i meant "everyday" that i go online! duh!
me: uh-DUHHHH!
jon: oh i saw you on the tv!
me: yeah, in the video production thing... oh yeah, i saw you!!
jon: where?
me: in my dreams.. oooOOOOoOhh... you like that huh?!

.. hMMmmmmM... oh yeah. let me add that i am TRAUMATIZED for life!.. we were playing that one game.. and LAUREN was shaking her booTAY EVERYWHERE.. AAAAAH! scuuuuurrrry. haha.
then after school, me, claire and darren went to get stuff for our dance costumes.. and OF COURSE i forgot something.. aaah bad me bad me. oh well.

so now that i've caught up.. venting time. now is when you excuse the language, i spoke too soon up there.. but yeah...

ok. so where do i begin? someone please knock some sense into this head of mine because i seriously don't know what's wrong with me. i kinda felt really stressed out around the time before the cruise. but i thought it was just all the stress and worrying about everything for that night and all. then the days after the cruise.. everything seemed to get better. but NOW, it's all coming back. i'm starting to think that there's something seriously wrong with me. i just don't know what it is. and here i am taking it out on darren sometimes. and i told him that he should know that he really doesn't need to take all my sh*t.. i mean, you know.. everything that i get stressed about is not his problem. or i mean, i shouldn't make it his problem, cause i know he's got stuff to take care of too. i'm not saying i want to break up with him.. i'm just saying that he doesn't need me. it's true.
i know i have so many people that care about me in my life.. but sometimes i just feel alone. but i don't get it, cause sometimes i just want to be alone.
a habit i have sometimes.. is thinking about others before my own feelings. maybe that's what hurting me now. maybe i just want to be selfish for a day and only think about my f*cking self.
maybe i'm wrong about everything. what the f*ck is wrong with me? i don't get it. i just don't wanna feel like this. i hate these mood swings.. it's like once second everything is fine, and the next it's not.
i have to say again.. babe, i'm really sorry for everything i've put you through lately. i really think some of the things that i said or did to you shouldn't have happened... regardless of whether you deserved it or not.

i remember something someone said a couple of months ago... *sometimes love just isn't enough*
at the time, i disagreed. i guess deep down i wanted to believe that love is all anyone really needs. but now, sometimes i start to think.. maybe there is some truth in that.
oh and, about my away message.. it's not towards anyone. just the song that popped in my head and the mood i'm in i guess.
aaah.. in the world today.. this is the last way i wanna feel right now. but.. i guess i'll just have to deal...

another thing. this was in cheri's xanga and i wanted to put it here...

*this time i gotta get this boy off my mind...i'm lovesick...it's cloudin up all my sunshine...i wish that i could just sit back & recline...but love makes me blind, it makes me blind*

kinda how i feel, but not the boy part...

everyone.. stay happy. see you when i see you.. love ya'll ... byebye.