i moved. . .

http://ticklexmexlaura.blogspot.com

is my new home. =)

hi hello aloha...

sooooo.

"he asked me who i was thinking about...
i was thinking of him."

person trivia!!! hahahahah =)

k... so todayyyyy. patsy woke me up. got ready, claire got ready, patsy came. patsy wanted pancakes... but then we realized it was already 1. hah, so we went to mcdonalds... then off to genzenn's. =) played with iris since genz was knocked out. stuuuupid boy. haha jk jk. we did her
100 piece puzzle TWICE... then decided it was time to go. went to patsy's friend's house. don't know how to spell his name.. anyways... jmar was there too, and raymond... and others. blahblahblah... patsy played pool while claire watched and i talked on the phone. blahblahblah their hooka smelled good. but we didn't do it. really tho, it smelled good. yeah. haha. thennnn... i really wanted starbucks... SOOOO we remembered that rob was working today! and thennn we thought.. maybe christal would be there too [patsy said they worked at the same one.. AND they knew each other] so we head to starbucks.. but first pass by isis' house. talked to her and saw her dog... and pretended to be bears! hahahahha..
then we were off to starbucks.. where we see christal in her car, just getting there too! we had 10 minutes to spare.. so we went to game stop. then waited a bit for christal to start. THENNNNN.... we got hooked up, thanks chris =) haha. omg... i had too much starbucks today.. she gave me a VENTI CARAMEL APPLE CIDER AND A VENTI CARAMEL FRAP. omgggg. haha. and then we find out rob doesn't work at the same one... and they don't know each other... stupid patsy. haha.
so yeahhh... then we went to the mall because we decided to buy some christmas presents. ended up just walking around and not buying anythinggg! argh. saw friends... and then.. we tried using pat's magic key in the arcade... and took pictures in the photo booth upstairs. went to circuit city and saw another familiar face. was gonna buy stuff... but no. haha. then we went to speedzone, but decided not to stay cause patsy's friend wasn't working. thennnn.. we went to eat pizza.. and saw another friend who hooked us up again! yay! =) and then we saw cesar in the parking lot!! yayyy!!
thennnn... we went back home to switch cars, but ended up watching britney spears' dvd to watch the alternate scenes of her *everytime* video... to see if they'd show how she dies. haha. after that... we remembered that we were supposed to go to melrose... hahaha... and yeah... so we decided we should do something..... whennnn... patsy remembered the puzzle we did with iris earlier... that just wasn't enough. so we had to go buy a 1000 piece puzzle! haha.. so we did. and darren said that were dumb [no he didn't, but that's what he meant] ... and genzenn said that we're losers. but it's ok. our puzzle is pretttty... it's of times square =) and yeah.. we finished it at 3:40 am =) were dedicated... and plus... i was very energized by my starbucks =)

oh yeah.. after patsy left.... claire was sitting on the couch looking at my camera.. and i was on the computer. both of us quiet... then two seconds later... we hear a door open....

patsy left his phone here. hahahahha. loser.

*YOU'RE ANNORRRRRING!*
*FRIEND TRIVIA!!!*
*HUH??... CACAAAAAA!!!!!* [omg.. we're bonded for life.]

anyway.. this post was a bunch of nonsense... but so was our day.

note to self: remind claire to call the dmv.

... that girl needs to get her license already. shet. =)





thought of the day: *what you want might make you cry, what you need might pass you by... if you don't catch it*

so um... i can already see where this could go. i can't say i wasn't warned. pray for me.
question... how many times in one day can you learn the same lesson? maybe just one chance is enough. who knows. i just hope those certain dreams don't come true.

oohhh... and another thing... i got a visitor today. ahhh i'm in the worst state ever. aching, cramping, sniffling, sneezing, bleeding! argh. k bye.

i can't sleep. . .

one of those days.. i'm so very tired, but i feel like i should be up for some reason.
it's weird, i have a lot going through my head... anddd i'm bored. haha.
des is bored too. we're gay. =/

anyway... so "seeing how things go" is easier said than done.
yeah, sooo.. uhh.. this post is gonna be nonsense.. haha.
i have to figure out what i want for christmas so i can post it for my secret santa. me, claire and des went shopping today... and yeah i bought stuff. but now i'm debating whether or not i really wanna give it away. ehh. man, i need to get a job. and i need to stop spending money. =(

i wanna go to disneyland =(.. but yeah, it's better that we practice tomorrow.. we only have less than a week left. and plus.. no money. that always sucks.... =( =( =(

oh yeah!! andddd.. the person i have for secret santa is never online! so now i don't know what they want. [or... i could really have genzenn.. and i'm just saying this to throw him off... hmmmm ??? ] haha..

i was gonna watch *save the last dance*.. or *my best friend's wedding*... or maybe FRIENDS.. but i couldn't decide, and thought i would probably end up falling asleep anyway.. so there would be no point.

ok, i think i really am getting sleepy now. good thing i wrote in here...yay =)

gooodnight. peace out homie. =)

english essay. . .

our last essay of the quarter. we were assigned to add a "lost chapter" that might have appeared in Anne Lamott's book, Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith.
so here it is. . .

Three Words

His name was David and he swept me off my feet. See, months before he came into my life, I believed I had reached an ultimate low. My father died, which ripped my entire life apart. I began to drink too much for my tiny body to handle, and after I would just sleep all day. It got to the point where I didn’t want to do anything. I couldn’t even get out of bed anymore, let alone attempt to eat something. One day I wondered what would happen if I just stopped breathing – maybe then I could be with my father. But each time I held my breath, I would chicken out. Maybe it was God squeezing more air into my lungs, I don’t know. Nonetheless, I continued being depressed and feeling sorry for myself. When I finally ended up getting out of the house – it was only to buy more alcohol.
This is where David came in. I made my way to the supermarket, where I browsed each aisle. All I really remember was someone’s cart hitting the others’ and laughing for the first time in months. From the very start, David was charming and sweet. He was almost too sweet, but enough to take. It reminded me of when I was a little kid eating pancakes with a whole bottle of syrup; except that I didn’t care because I enjoyed it so much.
For some reason, I completely trusted him right away. I had never been able to trust anyone as much as I did with him, let alone a man. Somehow I just fell hard, and fast. I engulfed his life and fit it into mine within the first month. Everything I needed I suddenly found in him. Everything that left my life with the loss of my father was present in David. He was the strong force I needed to drive me, to keep me going.
Our relationship started beautifully. We shared the same friends, enjoyed the same activities, and loved to get caught up in each other. Everyday, every chance he could get, he would call me. We would talk until he went to work, then again when he got out of work. We would hang out the second he got off of work and most likely drink or smoke. This would happen day after day, and I loved it. It was kind of like a bizarre fairy tale of some sort.
I loved David with all of my heart and even thought we might settle down and get married. I believed in always telling those you love that you love them, so every chance I would get, I would tell David. He was the first man I ever said “I love you” to and actually meant it. Those three words were so powerful and used often between us. Whenever I said it, I could feel it deep down in my heart; that fuzzy feeling I always heard about, but never really experienced till him.
However, we were both becoming extremely dependent on each other. I would feel so empty inside after not hearing from him for only a couple of hours. It seemed I was only happy around him and I started to ignore my friends. Eventually, our dependency grew to a scary situation. I needed to know where he was and who he was with every five minutes. I wanted him to be with me all the time. I wanted him to only want to spend time with me. We were both wrapped up in each other’s lives that every part of him started to disgust me. I wanted him around, yet I hated him. I wanted no one else – I only wanted his company, yet the thought of him made me nauseous. I could not figure out what it was.
I then realized I could not let go because I had been scared the whole time. I was too scared of being by myself. I only wanted to be loved and make someone happy. I was also searching for someone to be the man in my life. After realizing our ridiculous behavior, David and I decided to take a break and breathe. After only two weeks, we got back together, thinking everything would be okay. Of course, everything wasn’t okay. We did not know how to be independent anymore. We fell back into our same routine, but didn’t complain. Being so used to the routine, we just went with it. But life wasn’t fun and exciting anymore. The spark was gone, and now we were just two filthy addicts in the same room, who just happened to say those three words every now and then.
I should have noticed when David no longer looked at me the same way. I should have noticed when we went from two filthy addicts, to just me being the filthy addict. David suddenly had a new bounce in his step, something in his eyes seemed happier. Four months later, I found out my prince charming had cheated on me. And to make things worse, she was pregnant.
David left me.
My world crumbled again.
How could I pick up the pieces this time? After my father’s death, David helped me find myself again. He was the one I trusted most, but now what would I do?
Who would I turn to?
It hurt so bad to think – the one person I made my priority only saw me as an option. I didn’t know what to do now that my strength let me down.
How could I ever trust again?
It’s a crazy thing, being cheated on. You begin to feel unworthy of love; as if it is somehow your fault that someone would cheat on you. I started to live life as I did after my father passed away, which is not even living. I was emotionless; I could not feel anything anymore, but shame. I felt as if nothing would ever get better. My days kept getting darker and darker. My whole body ached so badly, I could barely move. My eyes became extremely puffy; I don’t even know how I saw through them.
I was slowly dying inside.
The storm would not stop.
I began giving up on God, thinking he should have helped me by then. I started to doubt God, and blamed Him for all I was going through.
Yet through your darkest days, God somehow finds a way to lift you back into the sunlight. While cleaning one day, I came across one of my father’s old book of quotes. In it, I found a beautiful quote by Robert Frost, “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”
And with that, my attitude changed. I started to love myself. I learned I didn’t need to depend on another. I didn’t need to hear, “I love you” to be complete.
My new three words, “life goes on.”

kris spread his emo-ness to me. . .

I heard about your trip
I heard about your souvenirs
I heard about the cool breeze
And the cool nights
And the cool guys
That you spent them with
I guess I should have heard of them from you
I guess I should have heard of them from you

Don't you see, don't you see
That the charade is over?
And all the best deceptions
And the clever cover story awards go to you

So kiss me hard
Cause this'll be the last time that I let you
You will be back someday
And this awkward kiss
That tells of other people's lips
Will be of service
To keeping you away

I heard about your regrets
I heard that you were feeling sorry
I heard from someone that you wished you could
Set things right between us
I guess I should have heard of that from you
I guess I should have heard of that from you

So don't you see, don't you see
That the charade is over?
And all the best deceptions
And the clever cover story awards go to you

So kiss me hard
Cause this'll be the last time that I let you
You will be back someday
And this awkward kiss
That screams of other people's lips
Will be of service
To keeping you away
To keeping you away

I'm waiting for blood
To flow to my fingers
I'll be all right when my hands get warm
Ignoring the phone

I'd rather say nothing
I'd rather you never heard my voice
You're calling too late, too late to be gracious
And you do not warrant long good-byes
You're calling too late
You're calling too late
You're calling too late